Sunday, May 13, 2007

UN and EU to Impose New Name on Finland

STOCKHOLM (Rewters) - Using the precedent set by Greece, which persuaded the international community to punish Macedonia for daring to claim the heritage of Alexander the Great by forcing a provisional name, Sweden decided to use the same remedy on obstinate Finland.

At the Eurovision Song Contest 2007, Finland raised the stakes in an age-old dispute by promoting Santa Claus as "the most famous Finn," which Sweden labeled a grave provocation. This Finish neighbor—claiming that the world-famous figure has their citizenship—retaliated by starting an economic embargo and requiring the EU from now and to all eternity use the provisional reference "former Russian province of Finland" or the short form "FRP Finland" in all international bodies and Europe-wide TV broadcasts.

All over Sweden, angry crowds took to the streets, chanting "Santa Claus is Ours!" and "Nokia, stop collecting people!" proudly waving their Sony Ericsson mobile phones in their clenched fists.

Using the Greek argument that only a part of the territory of Ancient Macedonia now belongs to Republic of Macedonia, Norway, Canada and Russia entered the fray, claiming that they possess far more acreage of the Arctic Circle than Finland, which invalidates its claim. They support the idea of UN arbitration, and require that the matter should be put forward to the Security Council.

An unlikely alliance of diplomatic representatives of Turkey and Serbia also condemned the Finnish "hostile" act. Turkey put forward historical evidence that the historical Santa Claus, who at the time was known as Saint Nicolas, in fact lived in Demre, in the Antalya province. Serbia based its objection on the fact that many Serbs celebrate Saint Nicolas as their family patron saint, and expressed fears that Finnish copyright on the day might lead to increased costs for the members of the Orthodox Christian community aggravating their already grave economic situation.

Coca Cola corporation spokesperson was unavailable for comment on this issue of outstanding international importance.